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Home Country

BY SLIM RANDLES

The way we heard it, it was Jim Albertson himself who did it. Jim - principal of the elementary school - Albertson. Jim Albertson, scourge of the pre-teen set. Terror of the tested.

Actually, he's a great guy, but ask an 11-year-old and he'll get the shakes when his name is mentioned. From two or three separate young reporters, this is what we were able to put together.

Before school ended for the summer, each class was paid a visit by the dreaded Mr. A.

"How many of you are honest?" he asked, looking around the room.

Hands shot up everywhere.

"Then you don't mind taking a test, do you?"

No one minded out loud. He told them this would be a true or false quiz. They were to number their test papers from one to twenty and be ready, 'cause this was going to be fast. Then he began firing questions at them as quickly as he could, while pacing the floor ala Captain Bligh.

They were to put a plus sign down for true, and a minus sign for false.

Somewhere in the middle he grinned and said, "Number eleven: the moon is made of green cheese, true or false?"

There were snickers around the room, breaking some of the tension. When the test was over, Der Testfuhrer told each student to correct his or her own test

"Number one: true. Number two: true. Number three: false..."

When number eleven came up, he declared it to be true. Some of the ones who had put a minus there drew a line through it making it a plus.

When everyone finished, he said, "All right now. How many of you got number eleven right? Really? That many? Well, I'll have to ask your teacher to explain that the moon actually isn't made of green cheese. That'll give you something to think about this summer, too."

Heart trouble is almost unknown among the under-twelve set. Good thing, too.

Brought to you by Sun Dog Days, now on sale at bookstores everywhere, or from www.unmpress.com, or www.slimrandles.com .

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