PROSSER It’s the kind of nightmare call no parent wants to receive.
Kadie Cosby of La Grande, Ore., still clearly remembers the night eight years ago when she received a call that her college-age stepson committed suicide.
Bad as that night was, it was made worse, when a few years later, her high school-age son, Dally, also committed suicide.
The depression and the self-blaming have all been part of her grief process.
Tuesday, she shared her struggle to overcome the tragedy was both aided by her faith in God and limited by her need to control every situation.
Cosby said she has learned that keeping tight control over one’s children and everyday situations doesn’t result in perfect kids.
“I have always tried to be in control of everything.
I thought I was good person but when my sons died I realized that life isn’t about my being able to control it,” Cosby said. “I thought I had a storybook marriage to my cowboy prince charming, Lance.
“We met when I was 18 and I knew everything,” the Lower Valley Christian Women’s Connect speaker said.
“Lance already had two children from a previous marriage when we met. I was so self-confident that I could be their mother and a good wife, at age 19, when we married,” she said.
“Later we had two more children and our life was complete.”
“Our life was full and we were involved in the community and church. I was sure I was raising perfect children,” she said.
In fact, it wasn’t until her children were older that she saw the first signs of how little control she really had over her children.
She told of when Kody went off to college and made bad choices. Later while still in high school, son, Dally, repeated the same behavior.
“It was their choices. But as a parent, you feel so much guilt,” she said.
Cosby said through all of the crisis, she and her husband Lance relied on their faith in Christ.
“We learned we had to work more like a team, which was hard for me as I usually took control,” she said. “It was a new idea for me – not to be in competition with my husband.”
So while she had accepted salvation she still couldn’t relinquish control.
There came a point when Cosby realized God was all she had.
“I had to praise Him, even in the worst of times. I had to accept finally that he was in control.”
It was a struggle, but Cosby finally had to realize that no one was to blame even her grief was messy.
“My God is a God of love and forgiveness. I had to let him have the control of the reins of my life,” she said. There is no quick fix for grief, Cosby cautioned.
“But we have a mighty comforter. We can be as close to God as we choose to be,” she said
The most important thing is to be close to God, to follow him,” she said.
Cosby said nothing can be gained by dwelling on past mistakes.
“We have to daily decide to follow God,” she said.